


When the Lightning finally dimmed

by ifeellikeiamamidget



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Depression, Father-Son Relationship, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Other, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:53:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24163153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifeellikeiamamidget/pseuds/ifeellikeiamamidget
Summary: Barry finally just snapped. The lightning strike may have given him the best version of himself but it also showed him a lot of heartache; and then it all got too much.
Relationships: Barry Allen & Iris West, Barry Allen & Joe West
Kudos: 23





	When the Lightning finally dimmed

**Summary** : Barry finally just snapped. The lightning strike may have given him the best version of himself but it also showed him a lot of heartache; and then it all got too much.

**DISCLAIMER** : **I DO NOT OWN THE FLASH OR ANY CHARACTERS**

**Trigger warning: self-harm, suicidal thoughts**

oOo

Barry thought being struck by lightning showed him the best version of himself, showed him that whilst there were tough decisions to make; he could always persevere. But then it all just drained out of him, left him feeling like a shell of his previous self. 

The speed-force had given him the chance to feel well and truly alive, gave him the gift that kept on giving; and it just so happened to give him heartache. It showed him true pain; both physical and emotional stress. Mentally; it didn’t just hurt—it killed him. Ever since he was struck by lightning, ever since he had woken up from his inevitable comatose state, he hadn’t been completely happy. There were moments, small, amazing moments of pure happiness and that his smile—his genuine smile—could light up a dull room like the snap of your fingers but no-one noticed as the lightning began to fade.

No-one noticed the lightning beginning to die in his eyes. They were all too preoccupied anyway, with their own lives, why should they care about him? Caitlin was still slowly getting over Ronnie’s unfortunate passing for the second time; Cisco was, well he was just Cisco; Joe had just heard that he had a son and that Francine—Iris’ mother— was dying; and Iris.. god she had been through a lot. She first learnt that her father had kept the fact that her mother was alive from her, she was still grieving Eddie after he shut himself in the chest and she learnt she had a younger brother somewhere. Their lives were way too action-packed to notice how Barry’s life was slowly beginning to fade, how his, once optimistic, aurora had begun to diminish.

And then they finally did..

oOo

Iris and Joe both slowly entered the West household, it had been an eventful day for them both. They finally met Wally. They had invited Barry but he had shut it down, claiming that Zoom was still out there, he had to be as prepared as possible after getting shown around Central City like a rag-doll.

They knew Barry was home, he had texted Joe half hour ago, asking if he were home, to which he replied with a simple ‘no’ and that he would be there much later. 

The house was awfully silent though, and it quite frankly scared them both. Anything could’ve happened to the Scarlet Speedster, and with Zoom still roaming the streets, they didn’t want Barry to end up half-dead again. 

As Joe started to ascend the stairs, Iris’ shocked gasp and her rushing steps brought him back down to the ground, and it led him straight to his son.. 

Barry was sitting there on the floor, his elbows balancing against his knees and his knees were drawn up to his chest and the blood— oh the blood— there was so much of it. His face was ghostly pale, his eyes looked at the wall in front of him, hauntedly, they were void of anything, no sign of life. After a moment of shock, Joe ran over, nearly throwing Iris out of the way on accident. 

“Barry?” He could hear Iris asking through her tears, and it broke his heart—more than any of this already had—when he heard her struggling to breathe because of her sobs.

“Iris, get me a couple of towels, we need to stop the blood flow” Joe instructed, switching from ‘father mode’ to ‘detective mode’ within seconds. He needed the problem solving part of his brain, not his fatherly instincts right now. 

As he moved closer to Barry’s head, a sharp pain ran through his right knee, and he knew something had cut him. Looking down, trying to avoid the blood that would forever stain his floor, he found the culprit. A single knife. It was pointing right at him, the sharp part had pierced his skin and was embedded into the flesh above his knee cap. Joe held back a scream from immense pain as he ripped the silverware from out of his skin, dropping it almost immediately after it had been fully torn out of his body.

Iris returned moments later, multiple pure white towels in her arms. It was clear that her tears had finally just ended, Joe thought as he stared at his daughter’s heartbroken face. What had caused Barry to go so far? What had made him finally crack?

Both West’s knew that the towels were going to be permanently stained with blood—Barry’s blood. They knew that they’d have to get new ones almost immediately, they didn’t need blood-ridden bathroom essentials being stained in a pure red substance. 

Joe knew Barry had almost slipped into hypovolemic shock, almost being the key word. If they hadn't walked in through the door at that moment, then there wouldn’t be a proper guarantee that Barry would be able to sit there and have dinner with them anymore. 

oOo

Barry hadn’t moved an inch since they first got home. He had been sitting perched up against the dining room wall ever since they arrived. His eyes held the same vacant stare, the same darkness that Joe had only seen one other time; the night of his mother’s murder. Joe contemplated calling Caitlin, he truly did, but for some reason, something was holding him back. Something was forcing him to not pick his phone up and call her. Iris had gone to her room, upon request from her father, of course, and hadn't been with them ever since.

“Why, Bear?” Joe questioned himself more than the limp body next to him, “why?”   
A sudden shallow breath caught his attention, and soon enough, his head had darted upright and his eyes were casing the environment for the source. He was about to lower his head again, so his eyes could refocus on the blood that had stained his hands, when a small whimper startled him once more. Joe’s eyes landed on the source before Joe could even register what was happening around him; it was coming from Barry.

The boy looked broken, lost, an empty shell of the usually energetic speedster. The sight itself broke Joe’s heart, now he was whimpering, almost like he was pleading with Joe to make the pain go away and that's all Joe wanted to do, was take his son’s pain away.

“Please make it stop,” Joe heard Barry whimper out, tears forming in his hollow eyes. That’s when Joe recognised it. Recognised the desperation to make it all go away, to make it finally stop aching. 

He really wished he hadn't sent Iris to her room, he could really use the help with Barry but he knew this sight of the man she was falling in love with would have crushed her; destroyed her more then Eddie’s death had. Joe knew that Barry prided himself of being a hero in Iris’ eyes, he knew that he only ever seemed to hold that hero complexion in front of her. 

Without a second though, Joe gathered the hurting man into his arms and held him close, hoping he wasn't too late to still help him. He was mentally slapping himself for not noticing the change in his son’s mood, the way he forced himself to eat a meal, and that haunted look in his eyes that had managed to burn itself into Joe’s mind for a long time. But what would be embedded into both his mind and heart was how he hadn't noticed when his lightning had finally dimmed. No-one had noticed that the boy’s speedforce signature was slowly dying out, and in its place, was a pain--an ache--so strong it was mentally crushing the speedster from the pressure. 

“Why won’t you make it stop?” He heard Barry’s muffled request loud and clear, although it was quieter from his face being pressed up against the older man’s shoulder. 

Tears were streaming down Joe’s face as he held his son, his desperate son, to try and sooth the pain, to help him feel loved. 

Joe was going to help Barry through this, he had to. His son needed him for a long time, and he had only just realised that. There was no way he was going to let it get this bad ever again.

oOo

_**Well, A) i hope you’re all well and trying not to be bored during these uncertain times and I hope that this will all be over soon. Now, B) my PM’s are always open if any of you struggle with depression, suicidal thoughts and self-harm. If any of you are struggling right now, there is help, and it will get better but you can start the healing phase by talking to someone, whether it be a friend, councillor or parent/carer or even a teacher. People are willing to listen and to help, just like I am.** _

**Author's Note:**

> Well, as I said at the end of the work, I am here for those who need it, I will listen to anyone's issues they need help with and I will try to give the best advice for the situation as possible. I have also posted this on my Fanfiction.Net account and it will also be posted on my Wattpad account as well. Both of my other accounts are under the same name as this one; ifeellikeiamamidget .


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